What Is Self-Love and Why Is It Important for Us

Everybody is talking about Self-Love these days. What is exactly Self-Love all about?

First, let us talk about what is not Self-Love. I believe most of you can relate.

What Is Not Self-Love?

Self-Criticism

When you compare yourself with others, you are unable to see the blessings you have been gifted with. Your focus is on what you are bad at.

Here are some of the limiting beliefs about myself and the world, I had been having in my mind for years. I got the courage to release them after I started loving myself unconditionally.

• I am not good enough.
• I am too thin to look like a girl.
• People call me Tom-Boy.
• I am not loved.
• I always make mistakes.
• I am lagging behind.
• I am a failure.
• I am not beautiful and don’t deserve love.
• No one likes me.
• No one is trustworthy.
• I am a burden on this earth.

And the list goes on and on.

The more you compare yourselves with others, the worse you are going to feel about yourself and about this world.

Saying Yes to Things and People You Don’t Feel Like Saying

When you say Yes to things that are not aligned with your core values just to get someone’s love and attention, you start becoming someone else and losing your own identity. Be it drinking, smoking, or going to bars you don’t like, or wearing clothes you don’t feel comfortable in.

Staying in Toxic Relationships

When it is hard for you to leave someone who abuses you every day. Be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. 

Though deep down inside you, you know you must leave, you decide to stay in that toxic relationship, because you are afraid to lose that person thinking you won’t get the one who really deserves you.

One of my friends was in a toxic relationship for years. His boyfriend tortured her like anything. He used to keep track of everything about her life like:

• Where did you go and with whom?
• Why didn’t you pick up my call?
• Where are you now and what are you doing?

Finally, after a lot of mental and emotional struggle, she decided to leave that person. Now she is happily married to her dream love.

Ignoring Your Body Messages

Your body always keeps on talking to you about everything you need to know and do in order to keep it healthy.

For e,g You need a break or you need to change something in your life such as stopping eating sugary food, starting exercise, etc.

But you keep on ignoring your body that causes you mental and physical diseases.

Beating Yourself up for Every Tiny Mistake You Make

I was one of them for years. Whenever I would make any mistake, I used to beat myself up with belts every day until I knew that hating myself is not going to work.

You Worry About Other People’s Opinions About You

You know what is right for you and what makes you happy, but you don’t take the first step worrying, “What if I fail and people make fun of me?”

“What if my loved ones will be against living my dreams and leaving me?”

Before I started writing on my Self-Love journey on Instagram. I fought with my mind. It says, “Hey! Why are you going to tell people that you were in depression and wanted to die? What will people think of you?” 

I have got comments from other people as well, but I am so grateful to the Universe to push me to follow my heart instead of putting my mind and other people’s opinion first.

Now Let’s Talk About What Is Self-Love

Self-Love means loving oneself completely irrespective of one’s shortcomings such as:

• Learning any new skills slowly
• Making mistakes
• Unhealthy habits
• Suppressing your emotions
• Not able to trust anyone in the world
• Having a negative self-image, etc.

And becoming aware of yourself:

• What do I like and dislike?
• What kind of people do I want to be with?
• What makes me happy?
• What changes do I need to make in my life?
• What can I learn from mistakes instead of beating myself up?
• What kind of beliefs do I need to release to experience life differently?

And working on what one needs to do to become the best version of oneself.

Why Self-Love?

Self-Love is not only important to know yourself better, but also to get the courage to work on yourself to become the best version, no matter how hard it is.

Self-Love is important for all of us to make this world a better place for ourselves and others as well, because when we love ourselves, neither we hurt ourselves, nor others.

It is not about doing things we want to, but what we need to do instead.

Let me clear the difference between Want and Need.

Both look similar, but they are not.

Want means doing things you want to do and whenever you want to feel like doing, no matter they are good or bad for you in the long run.

For e.g, You feel like smoking, drinking, eating sweets, going to parties every weekend, or watching Netflix.

And you know these are not good choices.

On contrary, Need means you need to do things whether you like them or not. It doesn’t matter how hard it is for you to do them, because they are important for your mental, physical, social, emotional, financial, and spiritual growth.

For instance,

• Leaving any unhealthy habits such as smoking, drinking, etc.
• Applying for a job you always dreamt of.
• Building healthy habits such as Meditation, Yoga, Exercise, Eating only healthy food, reading a book, or whatever it is.
• Leaving toxic relationships.
• Pursuing your hobbies.
• Taking care of yourself instead of waiting for someone to do that for you.
• Learning from mistakes.
• No more negative Self-Talk

The more you love yourself, the more you will connect to your higher self (God, The Universe, your soul). The more you connect to your higher self, the better your life is going to be in every area of your life, because you allow your higher self to take over instead of the old you who hated you for years.

Let me know in the comments below which activity you are going to start to make your life better.

Stay tuned to know how to start your Self-Love journey in the next blog.

With Love and Gratitude,

Sarbjeet Kaur